So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize