She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
