Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Randomize
