i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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