He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
