just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
