No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
