my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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