If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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