and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Randomize
