i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
