well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
