erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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