i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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