Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
