I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
How does one acquire holy water?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
