I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
