once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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