yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
