i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Randomize
