I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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