We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
