Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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