That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
