Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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