I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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