Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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