im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
