I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
