I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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