your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
