she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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