So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
