Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize