It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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