Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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