I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
