bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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