I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I have aggressive nipples.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
