cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
