There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
3 2 1 whiskey
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
