Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
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