I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
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