my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
