I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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