You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
