I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
