Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
