im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
