The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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