...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
