i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
