I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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