And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
