I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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