I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I will pee on everything he values.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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