oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
