I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
