She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
