Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
