dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
