I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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