Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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