At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
