Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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