You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize