what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
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