there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
