mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
