her vagina looked like bernie madoff
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
