Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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