dude i'm inner monologue high
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
