Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
