i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
