I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
