if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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