i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
