so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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