Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize