just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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