I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
