I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
