An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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