I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
