when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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