okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize