i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I have so many feelings about this burrito
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
