I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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