I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I didn't notice because vodka
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
